Coping with Grief at Holiday Season
(Originally posted December 12, 2019)
Prepare and Make Things Easier
The grieving process is rough and it can become more intense as the holidays approach. It’s difficult to face family gatherings and traditions, knowing your loved one will not be there to share it with you. I’m going to help you with the process of coping with grief at holiday season.
There are some things you can do to prepare and make things easier for yourself and your loved ones. To begin with, it’s important to simply acknowledge that the holidays will be different this time and coping with grief is tough.
Go Easy on Yourself
You do not need to do everything you used to do. Decide on the activities that are most important to you and your family and do those. Let the other go for another year. You need to treat yourself gently at this time.
Another helpful hint is to be ready to say no. You do not have to attend every event, or party, or family gathering. Do what you can handle and let people know when you need a break.
They will understand that you are dealing with grief.
Related podcast episode, Normalizing Death: Insights from an end-of-life Doula
Include Your Loved One
Your loved one will be with you in spirit, so plan ways to include them. It will help you and it will please them. Here are some ideas for coping with grief at holiday season:
- Set aside a place at the holiday table for your deceased loved one.
- Hang a Memory Stocking or put out a Memory Box. Have everyone write a memory of your loved one and put it in the box. Gather together to read them out loud.
- Light a special candle in memory of the person who has passed.
- Make a tree ornament with your loved one’s name on it. Put it in a highly visible place.
- Choose a few special items that belonged to your loved one and gift them to family or friends who will cherish them.
- Create a brand new tradition in your loved one’s honor.
- Set in a quiet setting, look at a photo of your deceased loved one and ask them to touch your hand. Relax and put your awareness on your hand. Wait to feel a difference. It could be chills, tingling, cooler, warmer, or even a gentle touch.
Coordinate with Family
Talk with the people you will be spending the holiday with. Make sure everyone is in agreement about the plans. Not everyone will be grieving the same way you do. Some may strongly feel that a certain tradition is critical. If so, and you cannot handle it, plan to not attend and let your family know why.
It’s important that people are allowed to grieve in their own way, and in their own time. Some will want to talk about fun times and laugh at great memories. Others will not be up for that. Take care of yourself by setting good boundaries for you.
Self Care
If you have not yet sought grief counseling or a grief group, this is a good time to do it. You may have put it off. Being around a lot of people who are filled with holiday cheer can be wearing. It’s helpful to be around others who are struggling; people who understand your pain.
When you are having an especially bad day, remember to journal. Writing your emotions helps to release them.
If you need to cry, let yourself cry. It’s a natural reaction to sadness and it’s your body’s way of releasing stress. Even if you are out in public, don’t be ashamed to cry. You will see things that trigger your emotions.
Ask for help. People want to assist you. They have no idea of what to do. So don’t be shy. Ask them for help with specific things.
Love and Joy
The holidays will be tough. But there will be moments of love and joy mixed in. Focus on those islands of happiness and lean on them to help get you through.
You are moving through grief, even if you cannot see the shift yet. Trust that you are making some progress. Each year coping with grief at holiday season will get a little easier.
You may find this podcast episode helpful, Understanding and Navigating the Journey of Death
